Monday, August 21, 2006

Bush's New Secrets, Gulag Bush, Blame Mexicans, Chuck Hagel, Ted Stevens, Religious Right Pin-Up Girl Ann Coulter and Ned Lamont.

In the latest installment of I've Got A Secret staring G. W. Bush, our neurotic, paranoid hero, in a lame effort at convincing the American people that he is protecting us, has classified Cold War missile data that has been in the public domain for years. It's a laugh-riot and it's playing all over the country, right now.

The Bush administration has begun designating as secret some information
that the government long provided even to its enemy the former Soviet Union: the
numbers of strategic weapons in the U.S. nuclear arsenal during the Cold

"It would be difficult to find more dramatic examples of unjustifiable
secrecy than these decisions to classify the numbers of U.S. strategic weapons,"
wrote William Burr, a senior analyst at the archive who compiled the report. " .
. . The Pentagon is now trying to keep secret numbers of strategic weapons that
have never been classified before."

Co-starring Bryan Wilkes, as a spokesman for the National Nuclear Security Administration, who provides the twisted logic for this lighthearted farce.

"It's not our call to do missile data," Wilkes said. "There's no question that
current classified nuclear weapons data was out there that we had to take back,"
he added. "And in today's environment, where there is a great deal of concern
about rogue nations or terrorist groups getting access to nuclear weapons, this
makes a lot of sense."

Tomorrow's episode will be about how our lovable hero dumps on his friends by using his secrets for his own political benefit, despite the consequences.

Anti-terror police in Britain have made an angry request to their US
counterparts asking them to stop leaking details of this month's suspected bomb
plot over fears that it could jeopardise the chances of a successful prosecution
and hamper the gathering of evidence.

The British security services, MI5 and MI6, are understood to be dismayed
that a number of sensitive details surrounding the alleged plot - including an
FBI estimate that as many as 50 people were involved - were leaked to the

Immediately following will be an encore episode about those who run afoul of our affable protagonist.

SARAJEVO, Bosnia -- On Jan. 18, 2002, six men suspected of plotting to
attack the U.S. Embassy were seized here by U.S. troops and flown to Cuba, where
they became some of the first arrivals at the Pentagon's new prison at
Guantanamo Bay.

The seizure was ordered by senior U.S. officials in defiance of rulings by
top courts in Bosnia that the men were entitled to their freedom and could not
be deported. Today, more than four years later, the six remain locked up at
Guantanamo, even though the original allegations about the embassy attack have
been discredited and dropped, records show.

Stay tuned, the show's been a runaway hit for five and a half years, but has been in a recent ratings slump, is promising something big for sweeps week. And be sure to keep an eye out for the show's spin-off, Don't Hate Us, Hate the Mexicans, starring the I Want to be Your Candidate Players.

It is a counterintuitive strategy: The way to win a swing district is not
with a campaign aimed at swing voters. Instead, the goal is to motivate
conservatives with anti-illegal-immigration appeals, hoping they overcome their
disenchantment with GOP policies in Washington.

Of course, Republicans also hope to snare independents and even some
wayward Democrats with the immigration issue. But they plan to do it with hot
words -- not with the cool centrism that is more typical in districts where both
parties have run competitively.

Later this year the GOP network will debut two new made for TV movies. The first will be, Voice in the Wilderness, starring Chuck Hagel as a sane man who wakes up in asylum where the patients are in charge.

Hagel asked: "Where is the fiscal responsibility of the party I joined in '68?
Where is the international engagement of the party I joined _ fair, free trade,
individual responsibility, not building a bigger government, but building a
smaller government?"

The second, titled simply "Tubes", stars Ted Stevens as a deluded Alaskan who believes that he can become rich by selling his tubal information relay system to the telecommunications giants.

Alaska Republican Senator Ted Stevens, the powerful Commerce Committee chair, is trying to line up votes for his "Advanced
Telecommunications and Opportunities Reform Act.
" It was Stevens who called
the Internet a "series of
" as he tried to explain his bill. Now the subject of well-honed
satirical jabs from The Daily Show, as well as dozens of independently made videos, Stevens is
hunkering down to get his bill passed by the Senate when it reconvenes in

The RRN, Religious Right Network, will soon have the premier of it's new mini-series, Darwin and Hitler: A Love Story. It stars Ann Coulter in dual roles. Early word is, it will be hotter than Hell.

An upcoming television special produced by a Christian broadcaster that features
conservative pundit Ann Coulter blames Charles Darwin for Adolf Hitler, RAW STORY has learned.

The only offering from the RDN, Real Democrat Network, is Like Moths to a Flame, it stars Ned Lamont along with many bit players on loan from the DLC network. The title says it all.

But since Aug. 8, when he defeated the 18-year incumbent by about 10,000 votes,
Lamont has discovered a lot of new friends _ especially those within the
Democratic establishment who originally backed Lieberman.

Hope your Monday don't suck.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I did not mean that Conservatives are generally stupid; I meant, that stupid persons are generally Conservative. I believe that to be so obvious and undeniable a fact that I hardly think any hon. Gentleman will question it.

John Stuart Mill (May 20 1806 – May 8 1873)